I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
