Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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