I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's always time for handjobs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FUCK WHALES
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
