i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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