they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
