She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
