i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
