There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
