i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
