So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
