I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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