..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
