She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
