well I can't set my house on fire every night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize