I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My bed smells like the plague
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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