I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
