I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
