he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
