Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
