I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize