I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
