OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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