I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize