after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
