well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
