He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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