just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
