your room smells of hookers.
And success
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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