Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
