Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
