i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
