I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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