The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
