i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
