Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
