Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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