Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
