I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
