Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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