She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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