I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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