I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
