Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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