i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize