I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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