I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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