I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
