you traded sex for a burrito?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
