life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She bit a glass in half.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
