Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize