You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize