dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
