actually, I'm a sock model
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You took a bar mat shot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
