Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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