our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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